I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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