I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
