Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
