I need help removing her.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
