he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
