My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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