I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
