kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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