wakey wakey hands off snakey
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
