I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
