her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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