One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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