I just pynch a tree in the face
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
