i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
there is puke in my bra ... again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
