you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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