Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
