wanna go halves on a baby?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We left the knife in your bed.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
