Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
