Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
