Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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