Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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