Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
