So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
