carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
