he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
