What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
