meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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