3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
