That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
