MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
