Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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