then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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