Its about making memories worth repressing
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
