"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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