I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
