you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
