I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm going to jail i love you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
