How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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