I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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