im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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