Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i believe in u and ur pee
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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