theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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