Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
