margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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