Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
