Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
