Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
