She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
