This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
