btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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