Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
