when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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