tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
